A brief comeback...

Lost a few days. Can’t honestly remember where they went. Guess I was busy.

Best thing that’s happened in a while is the smoke’s dissipated. Sky looked blue this morning, and while I can’t vouch for the official air quality, things seem to have improved.

Should probably be scared I can’t recall what I’ve been doing over the past forty-eight hours besides sleeping, writing, and going for walks, but have come to embrace the nada of nada.

Making plans for a late month trip to Wyoming to scatter mom’s ashes. Also scheming to get out on the water this coming week and attempt whatever pass at “fishing” my surgically repaired arm will allow.

Long, long visit with Jack and Matty on FaceTime today. Redeemed the whole week.

Feeling crowded...

Calling this one a split decision.

Up early, some good work at the keyboard, then off to PT. Arm hurts, but seems to be gaining in motion. Worked out a while, took a break for some private time. All good.

Met with a house painter later this afternoon.

Pushed some paperwork out the door.

God, what a life this pandemic has left us. Need to get out on the water. Forget the rest of this stuff for a while.

Not perfect, but not bad...

Yeah. Up early.

Started revising some short pieces today after putting the novel aside.

Took a break for the gym just after one, and got in a nice solid workout.

Air quality still toxic, but nothing looks to change there for another four or five days. Still, did a little yard work when I got home.

Had some FaceTime with Jackie. A nice long talk. Miss the hell out of those boys, and can’t wait to see them again. Need to send a letter off tomorrow.

Calling it a night.

Seeing it through...

Rose to smoky skies. The fires have gotten worse, and the haze they’ve caused is like nothing I’ve seen since the Waldo Canyon fire. At night, after the sun’s gone down, it looks like a city under a heavy mist.

Worked hard all morning on revisions, then went off on errands. Picked up furnace filters, ink cartridges for the printer. Stopped at Starbuck’s too, which I haven’t done for a while.

Gym was completely empty, so took all the liberties I could. Arm was sore again after last night, but figure it to be that way from here on in. Will settle for getting my strength and range of motion back.

Talked to my uncle for a long time tonight about Norman MacLean’s Young Men and Fire. Will try and find a copy for him, though will probably have to settle for an audio book as I can’t seem to locate a large print edition.

Going into the new week with a good attitude. Fingers crossed it pays off.

Break on through...

Woke to a sore arm, but made the most of the early rise by getting out to the cottage and revising a couple of old manuscripts.

Some long conversations with siblings in the interim. Looking ahead to more peaceful days when the estate stuff is over.

Broke off for a nice workout at the gym a little after noon. Going for core stuff now until I can get the arm back in action. Range of motion improves all the time, but with it there’s more pain. Be nice to find a balance again.

The big fires are still burning. Air quality is off-the-charts bad, the sky is a yellow brown, and haven’t seen the mountains in two or three days. Read today containment was improving, but with the week ahead in the high-nineties every day, who knows how long it’ll last. Just gotta hope for the best.

Gonna hope for a quiet night, good night’s rest, and another early rise. Minimize the distractions and move forward.

Taking notes as I go along...

Behind again.

Busy day on the phone, running errands, driving to the doc.

Big ms keeps coming along, and I should make the end again tomorrow with any luck. Be glad to finish this pass and get to work on a new short story or two.

No time to hit the park today, or even the gym. PT tomorrow afternoon, so that should open things up.

Been getting some rain the past couple of days. A welcome relief from the hot weather. Hope some of the moisture finds its way into the mountains to help the fire fighters.

Arm’s feeling stronger all the time. Still hurts, but in a good way. Gonna be a while before I can start doing anything serious with it, but at least it feels better when it’s out of the sling.

Over and over and over again...

Missed a post yesterday. Didn’t have any juice left after four hours on the phone with family members.

Went to be late, but got up early owing to some new pain the recovering arm. Nothing to get concerned with. Just rehab-related soreness.

Made good progress with the revisions on the new novel, working until 11:00, then went off to jog the stairs at the soccer field. Glad I got in a workout before the air went to hell. Both the Grizzly Creek and Pine Gulch fires are burning out of control. Sky’s been stained brown for days now.

Working through the ups and downs, looking for more consistency from myself. Six months into this pandemic, you’d think I would’ve landed on a routine. But not so. Only thing I’ve been able to count on is my time at the keyboard.

Tomorrow, right? Keep starting over. Reset, and try again.

Here we are again...

Slept well, off an on, but rose a little later than usual. Did some work at the keyboard, then drove out to the Covid testing site for a culture. Slept when I got home.

No workout today. Air quality alert. Skies are grey and brown and ugly, and to make matters worse, the heat and humidity are miserable, too. Would’ve been a great day to go to a movie—if there were movies.

Had a half hour of FaceTime with the boys. The highlight of the day, as always. Jack was very sweet. Offered his condolences over Gramma Bobbie’s passing. He’d been working on a breakfast cereal concoction he’d hoped would cure her. He was sad he hadn’t been able to get it to her in time.

Not sure what the rest of the weekend will bring, but again, am happy to be able to lose myself in my writing. Too many things to think about, and little to do about them anyway.

Maybe I can swing a day fishing soon, now that the sling is off.

Adrift...

Slept without a sling last night. First time in six weeks.

Put in some early revision time, then went off to PT. Rough session. Shoulder’s working to make the transition, but it isn’t easy and it isn’t fun. Been walking around with a sore arm all day.

Weather’s like a blast furnace and the two big fires north are burning away. Air quality’s gone to hell. Forced to stay inside today, except for a short workout at the gym after therapy.

Talked to my uncle late this afternoon. My buddy B earlier. Spent the rest of my time answering emails and sending out long overdue correspondence to friends.

Gotta get up early, come at things from a different angle tomorrow. Shake off the blues, and look for the horizon.

On a thursday...

Long day. Started at the orthopedics office where I was told the arm was coming along better than expected. “Ahead of schedule” were the words. Was told I could abandon the sling around the house and keep it for special occasions—like trips to the grocery store. Anyway, a good start.

Wrote a little bit when I got home, then went off for a walk. Hot day, today. Took a nap when I got home, then showered and took care of some correspondence.

Talked to my bro, Joe, later in the day. Questions about family matters.

Looking forward to a clean start tomorrow.

Best not to think about it...

Fires burning around the state again.

Up early, revising. Later, coffee with K and S, then off for a long walk.

Figured to catch up with the boys early afternoon to wish Matty a happy fourth, but the call fell to later in the day. Quick hello was all.

See the PA tomorrow about the shoulder. Thought it would be the doc, but I guess he’s too busy making money. Rehab’s coming along. Arm still hurts, sleep’s still hard to come by, but all in all, I think things are moving forward.

Revisited DeLillo’s opening to Underworld last night. Parts of Falling Man, too. Gotta sit down with both again soon for a long, quiet read.

Meantime, breathe.

Still here...

Went for a long walk this morning after getting up late and putting in an hour or so at the keyboard.

Spoke to my sister later in the day.

Everything’s moving around, trying to find its place again.

Matty’s birthday tomorrow. His fourth. A lot of fond memories to hold onto.

Everything's bearing down...

Troubled night’s sleep owing to the arm. Up later than usual, but not much later. New novel’s coming along. Edits went all right.

Took a break around noon and went for a long walk, working the stairs down at the soccer park. Got home and tried to nap, but couldn’t quite manage.

Taking a beat down this summer, Covid making all the rest even worse. Just have to keep looking ahead.

Not much news on the Albuquerque front today. Saw a note saying mom’s kidneys were still pulling solid duty. Everything else was the same.

What a long strange journey we take on our way out. Said it before, and I’ll say it again. Death doesn’t come for us, we go looking for it.

Nothing to do but wait now...

Drove down to Albuquerque yesterday to see mom. Had a good, uneventful drive. Kept out of peoples way and only stopped to fill up on gas.

The hospital was in full quarantine, but we managed to get in without any difficulty. She was in a private room on the seventh floor, in the sleep-state she’s been in for two weeks. She was curled in the bed, though not uncomfortably, and seemed at peace with herself. I talked to her for a while and held her hand, but she was far away.

Left Albuquerque around six-thirty and dove straight home. Arrived a little after midnight. Slept hard when sleep finally came.

Nightfall...

Rough night’s sleep. Up a little later than usual, but made headway with the book.

Went for a long walk late morning. Got a call from my sis saying my mom’s meds were being terminated and she was being placed in “comfort care.” Not much more to add. Gave the hospital a call late day and said my goodbyes.

There's No figuring...

Found some peace at the keyboard this morning. Worked till it was time for PT. Range of motion’s improving all the way around, but the muscle strength hasn’t come back yet, and probably won’t for a long time.

Picked up where I left off on the long manuscript when I got home, then took a long walk down at the park.

Cloudy day. Humid. Rained a bit this afternoon and, by the look of things, might do so again this evening.

Lots of thoughts going through this head. Glad I have work to keep me busy.

Heard today the boys won’t be going to school this fall. Relieved to know it.

Got a text late this afternoon, they’re sending mom back for another MRI. Maybe a spinal later in the week. Meanwhile, nothing’s changed. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t know anyone.

Gut punch...

Heard from mom’s doc tonight. EEG came in. She’s been having continuous seizures for ten days now, without anyone knowing why. Bottom line, she will not recover. Age, medical history, etc., too much to overcome. She will probably released tomorrow, and placed in palliative care. Not certain whether she’ll go home. Will know soon.

Overcast...

Quiet Friday.

Up early, revisions, long walk in the park.

No new word on mom’s condition. They’re sending her in for another MRI, what for I don’t know.

Tried a nap, but kept getting tangled in my sling. That’s a new thing. Happened last night, too.

Gonna try and take it easy tonight. Build a fire outside if weather permits.