Everything's bearing down...

Troubled night’s sleep owing to the arm. Up later than usual, but not much later. New novel’s coming along. Edits went all right.

Took a break around noon and went for a long walk, working the stairs down at the soccer park. Got home and tried to nap, but couldn’t quite manage.

Taking a beat down this summer, Covid making all the rest even worse. Just have to keep looking ahead.

Not much news on the Albuquerque front today. Saw a note saying mom’s kidneys were still pulling solid duty. Everything else was the same.

What a long strange journey we take on our way out. Said it before, and I’ll say it again. Death doesn’t come for us, we go looking for it.

Nothing to do but wait now...

Drove down to Albuquerque yesterday to see mom. Had a good, uneventful drive. Kept out of peoples way and only stopped to fill up on gas.

The hospital was in full quarantine, but we managed to get in without any difficulty. She was in a private room on the seventh floor, in the sleep-state she’s been in for two weeks. She was curled in the bed, though not uncomfortably, and seemed at peace with herself. I talked to her for a while and held her hand, but she was far away.

Left Albuquerque around six-thirty and dove straight home. Arrived a little after midnight. Slept hard when sleep finally came.

Nightfall...

Rough night’s sleep. Up a little later than usual, but made headway with the book.

Went for a long walk late morning. Got a call from my sis saying my mom’s meds were being terminated and she was being placed in “comfort care.” Not much more to add. Gave the hospital a call late day and said my goodbyes.

There's No figuring...

Found some peace at the keyboard this morning. Worked till it was time for PT. Range of motion’s improving all the way around, but the muscle strength hasn’t come back yet, and probably won’t for a long time.

Picked up where I left off on the long manuscript when I got home, then took a long walk down at the park.

Cloudy day. Humid. Rained a bit this afternoon and, by the look of things, might do so again this evening.

Lots of thoughts going through this head. Glad I have work to keep me busy.

Heard today the boys won’t be going to school this fall. Relieved to know it.

Got a text late this afternoon, they’re sending mom back for another MRI. Maybe a spinal later in the week. Meanwhile, nothing’s changed. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t know anyone.

Gut punch...

Heard from mom’s doc tonight. EEG came in. She’s been having continuous seizures for ten days now, without anyone knowing why. Bottom line, she will not recover. Age, medical history, etc., too much to overcome. She will probably released tomorrow, and placed in palliative care. Not certain whether she’ll go home. Will know soon.

Overcast...

Quiet Friday.

Up early, revisions, long walk in the park.

No new word on mom’s condition. They’re sending her in for another MRI, what for I don’t know.

Tried a nap, but kept getting tangled in my sling. That’s a new thing. Happened last night, too.

Gonna try and take it easy tonight. Build a fire outside if weather permits.

Every place you look, something new...

Later start than usual. Back to work on novel.

Abbreviated morning owing to PT. Caught up on incidentals when I got home, then went out for a short walk. Everything caught up with me early afternoon and had to lie down for a nap.

Tried to FaceTime the boys but came up empty. Maybe tomorrow.

Spent the late day writing an N. Critique. Last of the submissions ought to be rolling in soon. Meanwhile, plenty to do.

Letter from the Westchester Review today. They want to publish “Astray.”

Just so the day couldn’t end on a quiet note, got word they’ve put mom on a feeding tube.

Strange days ahead.

Made it this far...

Tired of working with one arm. Did some exploratory work on the laptop today, and think it might be the way to proceed. Takes a toll, but maybe with a little maneuvering…

Wasn’t as productive today as yesterday, but managed to push things along just the same. Got in some edits on the new story, had a nice conversation with an old buddy, hit the gym for a short workout, and had a good chat with young Jack.

Tried mom’s hospital room today, got my niece, Haley. Nothing new. Not sure where things are going, other than there appears to be an EEG on the horizon. What that will reveal is anyone’s guess.

PT tomorrow. One month since surgery.

Been a long summer

There's just no knowing...

Up a little late. Not much, but a little. Started a new short piece, though didn’t get very far.

Lit out for the gym for some PT a little before noon. Got in some good work. Came home and took a nap after finishing a story in the New Yorker.

Two more pieces in my N queue. Will need to get moving if I want to get my critiques out the door.

Overcast most of the day, but it rained late afternoon and the skies have finally cleared.

No new word on mom. Made up my mind I wasn’t going to drive down there unless she improved enough to know who I was, but hanging back is a bitch, too.

Cooking pork chops tonight. Can smell them braising, all the way out here.

the fractured order of things...

Lost track of the day. First time in a long time. Bad night’s sleep, too. Also the first time in a long time. Guess I was due on both counts.

A mix up in PT unexpectedly put my in the therapist’s office this morning. Was sad about losing the writing time, but happy with the progress I’ve made with range of motion. It isn’t much, but in this particular world, a little goes a long way.

Stuck around the gym afterward and got in some stair step time and a little bit of lifting. Heard talk of another shutdown. Hope for my buddy, Solomon’s sake, it isn’t true, but times and circumstances being what they are, anything and everything is possible.

No word on mom today other than her condition hasn’t changed. She’s still talking, though to no one in particular, and still oblivious to the commands of others. The hospital folks are now talking about “weeks and months” before knowing with any certainty what the outcome may be.

Dreary day all around. Rained late afternoon. Rejection slipped after two years, six days. Next year I’m disclosing the names of these places. I swear.

Reason to believe...

Don’t know where to start with this one.

Maybe the later-than-usual rise knocked the day out of orbit.

No fiction writing today. Spent the early part of the day reading and critiquing, the afternoon trying to chase down an inflatable boat/kayak to take the place of the canoe I can no longer lift. Took a long nap as well. Afterward, had a nice long talk with my uncle.

News from Albuquerque is that mom is now able to move her entire body. Movements may still be involuntary, but they are there. She is also speaking—not coherently, but in complete sentences. Not to take advantage of a cruel joke, but that may be a positive sign in that it isn’t a great deal different than many of mom’s conversations. Long and short, there is marked improvement.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

Saturday night...

Another day in limbo.

Restless night. Up early and working, but took a while to get in the groove. Made a half-hearted attempt to get to the end of the book and succeeded. Gonna work on a short story before starting a new pass.

Little word on mom’s condition. Spoke to her nurse but got the bum’s rush. Found out she was going in for an MRI, but wouldn’t have results till Monday. If she makes it through, it’s nursing home or hospice.

Tired. Got a nap this afternoon, but think I’ll sleep tonight, too.

Dreary day. Humid day. Wish it would rain.

None the wiser...

Still trying to sort it all out.

Up early, wrote, went for a long walk and, later, tried to get in a nap. Went out searching for cat food instead and even came up empty there.

Talked to my uncle for a bit. My sister M, too. Later, had a nice email exchange with my buddy G.

No word on Mom’s state, though I did speak to her nurse this morning. Everything’s in a state of confusion. Situation normal, right?

Again...

Quiet day. Wrote, rehabbed, worked out, picked up groceries.

Was talking to the boys when I got a call letting me know Mom was re-admitted to the hospital. Stroke this time, they think.

Had a long talk with Moya. We’ll see.

Hump day...

Up early to the cottage. Nearing the end of the book. Have a good idea what the next pass will bring. Getting closer all the time.

Walked over to the gym early afternoon for some cardio work. Laid off the weights today and kept to the stairmaster and lunges.

Tried to push, but the day was hot and I feeling wasn’t well, so I took a long nap. Arm was talking back today after the two-handed attempt at the keyboard yesterday. Good now, I think.

PT tomorrow. Maybe some more script writing.

Gonna pan fry a ham steak and some broccoli for dinner. Take it easy. See if I can’t get a good night’s sleep.

Three weeks in the sling tomorrow. Rehab a long time in the making.

What's the rush?

Got a good jump on the morning, made pretty good headway with the novel revisions. Afternoon meeting gobbled up the rest of the day.

Have come to the conclusion most folks have a different concept of time than myself. Where I can’t bear to lose a second of the day to BS, they make a profession of it.

One day deadline for the opening script. Oh, well. Guess that just puts me one day closer to billing it.

Not sure what’s going on in the world, and not sure I care. Talked to the boys last night and that was enough.

Busy day tomorrow. Need to check on my PT time.

Hoping for rain tonight to bring the temps down.

There it is, in a nutshell...

Another one, just like the other one. Decent night’s sleep, even though I stayed up later than usual. Up early to the keyboard. Good progress on the edits.

Took a long walk a little afternoon and put in time on the stairs at the soccer field. Came home, drove to King Soopers to pick up a few prescriptions, then showered and went back to work.

Meeting tomorrow, mid-day. Hope it turns into business. Gotta set aside some time to push last week’s projects out the door, too.

Got S to the clinic for an exam. Covid free, but fighting off respiratory gunk. Looking forward to seeing her back on her feet. Small but important victory. Tired of losing ground, physically.

Enough for the moment...

Quiet day. Up early, worked through rehab exercises, retired to the cottage and put in a strong morning on the book. Was looking to go out for an early afternoon walk, but decided against it because of the heat. Took a nap instead.

Found a new story in my N queue, but haven’t gotten around to looking at it yet. Same for Nickel Mountain, which I took down off the shelf yesterday and promised myself would be the next novel I read.

Took a long walk around the neighborhood just before five. Happy I did. Weather wasn’t the best, but it was good to get out. Maybe we’ll get some rain tonight. Clear the air.

Miss the mountains. Can’t wait to shed this sling and get back to water. Any water. Meantime, gonna keep pushing hard, but carefully, at the rehab.