Easing back into it...

Woke early this morning, then off to the gym. First one in. Twice now in the same week. Home in time to have a quiet cup of coffee before packing Mom's gear and dropping her off with my brother, who's driving her up to Casper, into the Bighorns for a five day adventure. Enjoyed the company, but happy to have the house back. Spent the rest of the morning writing. Most of it, anyway. 

Put in some new revisions on "Man of Letters" then headed off to the theater to see the new Borne movie. Flick wasn't anything to write home about, but it was a good way to kill the afternoon. Mowed the lawns when I got home, and spent an unexpected hour or so with the little guy. Tired now, and ready to settle in. Have that strange exhaustion that follows in the wake of visitors. Thought maybe I'd have some time to read, but it wasn't in the cards. Not sure I've got the energy or focus to do much more tonight.

Learned my buddy had to put his dog down today. Felt for him. Terribly. What rotten luck. He can't seem to catch a break. Been a tough, tough year. For his animals, and himself.

Looking forward to tomorrow. New day, new start. 

Nowhere to go but forward...

Been missing my favorite things. Muchly. Looking forward to tomorrow when the schedule favors something closer to normal. No gym today, no writing, no reading. Up late after watching TV till some crazy hour (Opening ceremonies of the Olympics). Remind me again why I did that? 

Breakfast at home this morning, then off to the ProRodeo Hall of Fame for a few hours. After, a visit to the old St. Francis convent up in Peregrine, and later still, a tour of Glen Eyrie castle. Big hits, all. Wine and pizza for dinner tonight. An early retirement if that’s in the cards. Gonna try and rise early, work out, knock off the rust of the past few days and start moving forward again.

Read a killer piece of work (part of my N queue) yesterday. Long, long story. Fifteen thousand words. But mesmerizing. Need to revisit it tomorrow, or Monday, to see if holds up under a second reading. Got a feeling this one might not just hold up, but get better.

Mom leaving tomorrow, mid-morning after a quiet stay. Subdued here, I think, compared to her life in New Mexico, but I believe she enjoyed it. On her way to Casper tomorrow for the first time in years. Be curious to know how it fares. Imagine it'll stir a memory or two.

Of stories and story tellers...

Putting this together just before quitting time. Busy day. Up early, out the door, off to the gym and home again. Was right about the weather cooling. But the alternative isn’t much better. Low temps for the first time in weeks, but at the cost of a smoky gray sky and blustering winds.

Had a nice morning, talking over tea. Heard some good stories. A few have changed in the telling and re-telling, but the woman has a way of making them work. Reminds me of the long hours I spent in the back of the station wagon each summer when I was a kid, traveling cross-country, listening to her spin her tales about cow camps and cowboys.

Ran across a New Yorker article about Mavis Gallant. Haven’t had time to read it yet, but hope to tonight. One of my all-time heroes. A master of the short story. Powerful, elegant, sophisticated.

Got a letter off to the boy this afternoon. Been a while since I’ve written him. (Even longer since I’ve seen him.) Can Dallas really be two years ago? Best not to count, I guess. 

Time to pull focus...

Gym overrun today, but managed to get in a decent workout just the same. Put down the jump rope in favor of the rowing machine. Worked the heavy bag for a while. Tossed around the medicine ball.

Sent six of my eight N pieces off this morning. Promoted two of them. Had a dry spell for a while, turning down eight or ten in a row. Happy to be out of the slump. Two more in the queue, but probably won’t be able to give them a look until tomorrow.

Gave a cursory read to my buddies’ B&T’s stories. Impressed. Both have put in some quality work. Not surprised at that, but pleased for them. They’re taking this gig seriously, and the effort is paying off. Enjoyed both pieces.

Weather might break soon. Feels cooler today. Light’s been changing too. Harbingers of fall, I hope.

Having a nice time with mom. She’s dozing on the settee across from me as I write this. Never known a more peaceful, more forgiving soul in my life. Gonna remember this visit for a long time.

Mother/son movie adventure this afternoon. Gone with the Wind. Much as I want to dismiss the flick as a cinematic soap opera, I find it always comes back in a two fisted flurry, reminding me why a classic is a classic.

Dinner with my cousins this evening. Burgers on the grill, nice conversation, old family stories, and a lot of laughs. Missed seeing their boys, but a nice time anyway.

Tomorrow’s Thursday. Where did the week go? Seems as if these entries have become more and more disjointed of late. Guess they’re a mirror of what’s going on these days. Can’t seem to string together ten minutes of uninterrupted time.

That thing we do...

Posting from the kitchen, 9:21 pm. Waiting for the cool to blow in, but definitely not holding my breath. Looks like another day in the nineties tomorrow. Maybe all week. 

Made some progress with the N stories this morning. Decided to push one along. A nice piece, I thought, and rather than nix it I'm kicking it upstairs. Just in time, too. Received two new stories this evening. Got my work cut out for me.

Word from my buddies B & T back east. Mss from them, too. Looking forward to seeing what they've done. Strange how brief encounters can lead to friendships. Real ones. Have a great affinity for those boys, and hope to see them make good on their promise.

Ma arrived early afternoon. Looked tired but good for an 86 year old. Gonna have a nice quiet time with her while she's here. Received a note of condolence from an old, old friend today, as if by coincidence. Said he was sorry to hear about my father's death. In the card was a excerpt from Virgil. The Aeneid, chapter VI. Anchises and Aeneid reunited in the underworld. Broke me up. Down. To pieces. Thank you, my brother. I will not forget it.

Gonna start a new novel tonight. Send off an email or two. Sleep. Dream. Funny, but lately? When I'm feeling sentimental? A cat always appears from nowhere. Not sure what that's about, but I'm willing to run with it.

That thing we do? The one that keeps us looking to the future? Believing in the impossible? I'm for that. I'm living for that. Yeah, living for it.

 

 

 

 

A day in the life...

Not to whine about the weather, but hey, enough of the smoke and heat.

Tomorrow marks the first of August. Gonna be a month of guests, visitors, and family. Not used to so much company all at one time. A tweak here, an adjustment there, and everything ought to work out. But other adjustments lie ahead, too. There's no getting around it.

Put in another morning of good work on my manuscripts. Wasn't able to move as far ahead as I would have liked with the N mss., but managed to draft part of a critique, so that was something. Might have more gas in the tank to look at another tonight, or then again might save the whole batch for morning.

Trying to get the house in order. Ma's coming tomorrow. A week's stay. Picked up a new, miniature box spring to lower the mattress on the guest bed for her. Success. Also picked up some removable shower handles for the walk-in. Not a success, but that leaves the ledger even. Guess we'll fly by the seat of our pants from here on in.

A lot on the mind. Is it possible to have a lot on the heart, too? The soul?

I miss Wyoming...my dad...  

Have the feeling tomorrow's going to be an interesting day. Arms outstretched one moment, dukes up the next. 

 

Mid-day Meditation...

Early post. Getting ready to shower off after working in the yard all day. Policed the lawn, got a start on tidying up the Augean stable I call my garage, and rigged electricity to the backyard fountain.

Gym was dark and empty this morning. First that's happened since the joint opened four years ago. Kinda nice. Blazed through my workout in absolute silence. Very Zen, very efficient. 

Two nights ago, came outside to witness the strangest lightning storm I think I've ever seen. Bursts of ragged light, one after another, high in the night sky, that went on uninterrupted for minutes. There was no thunder. Just this low, rolling rumble. Was like something out of a sci-fi movie.

Fires must still be burning hard. The sky was a miserable blue-gray haze all day. Read there are new blazes in Wyoming, too. One close to Tensleep. Hope the rains come soon. The firefighters could use some help.

Picked up some new commercial work yesterday. Happy about that. Also got my first contributor copy of the Flint Hills Review, featuring my story "Into the Sunset." Beautiful cover. Need to put in for additional copies. Spread the word, as they say.

Got to remind myself of the victories, not the losses. The brilliant moments when lightning strikes, and everything is illuminated. Need to look ahead, always, or risk letting the next one slip by, unnoticed. 

 

 

It's hot. And other observations...

To the gym early. Home, then office. Smoke haze over the mountain all day. Not sure if it's from our fire or the big one in LA.

Spent the better part of the morning working on branding projects for a new client. Caught up on some long overdue correspondence too. Made a few minor revisions to some story material, then back home to look after small things.

Bummed about my lawn. Heat, sun, and the lack of rain has taken its toll. Maybe I can revive it before fall. Don't know. Hard walking out the door every day and seeing the damage. Will grieve the loss of those old silver maples for as long as I live. The new ash trees have come back from the hail damage of two years ago, but they're still a long way away from making any meaningful difference.

Started critiques on two stories for N. Have read them all now, and believe none will make the cut. All were passionately written, but flawed in different ways. I was particularly taken with one piece, a story about a Yanqui rancher in South America, and it may yet earn a promotion. The second or third read will tell.

Late trip to the mattress store in search of a box spring. Sun was waning, but the skies were still hazy with smoke. Fingers crossed it cools off before the next passel of guests descends upon us.

Tired. Thinky. Sick of the heat. Going to kick back and pour myself a drink. Wait and see what tomorrow brings.

A Man for almost all seasons...

Pretty morning. A flowering of new things. Would have been nice to hold on to the cool a while longer, but the afternoon heat drove it all away. Still, three manuscripts read, more good revisions on "Man of Letters" and an unexpected conversation with an old friend.

Was told the temps in the Midwest were near ninety today. Here, too, but without the humidity comparisons aren't fair. I remember those old days as a kid, swamping through summer, the north woods sticky, smelling of mud and rotting leaves. No wonder I adopted fall as my favorite season.

Met an old timer from Minnesota in the barber shop yesterday. Told him about the mayfly infestation that used to turn Dubuque, Iowa into a dadaist work of Meret Oppenheim proportion. They would hatch on the river overnight, and invade the town. Blanket everything like fur. The next morning, the city would send out a fleet of snowplows to scrape them from the streets. The old guy nodded. He'd seen them, too. "Fish flies," he said.

Feel as if I'm playing catch-up, and I think it's because I've been stymied by the progress of some of my manuscripts. But even that, I can't trust. Solution is to keep plugging and not look back. Trust in what lies ahead.

 

 

Taking it all in...

Back and forth day. Up early, gym. Home. Away to office, and back again.

Somewhere in that mishmash, managed to catch up on correspondence, make some story revisions, and pound out concept work for a new client.

Have read three of the N stories so far. An interesting mix. Last batch had one outstanding piece, with a couple of others a near miss in terms of being moved forward. This time around, who knows? Feeling a lot of emotion in all the stories, but only one has delivered, technically. We'll see what happens.

August looks like a lost month. Visitors galore. Family, mostly, but others, too. How did I get so popular?

Weather's been back and forth, too. Mostly sunny now, but overcast and dreary mid-day. Guess there's always tomorrow.

Been writing about dogs all afternoon, and as if to bring balance to the universe, or perhaps tilt it in a more just and desirable direction, a big fat cat has suddenly leapt into my lap. Signing off.

Firsts, lasts, and in betweens...

Early goodbyes. The road trip from Salt Lake to Jackson sounded like big fun. Haven't been to Jackson in almost fifty years, and still have the scars to prove it. Lovely place, beautiful mountains.

The muse returned this morning. Much luck with the revisions on "Man of Letters." So much so, it makes me wonder why I've been plodding through the other stories. Should just shut up and knock wood, I guess. Take gifts when they're given and say thank you. Oh, and, while I'm at it, try not to think so hard.

Got the urge for something Larry McMurtry. Gonna run with it. Embrace it. Throw my arms around it. That short trip up the mountain reminded me the west is in my blood, and always has been. I need to read about it more, write about it more. Own it in the most intimate ways possible. From the stones under my feet to the sky over my head. 

Back here on earth, found five new stories from N in my box. Guess I've got my work cut out for me. But exciting work. Looking forward to reading them.

Mother called tonight. Coming in next week for a visit of undetermined length. Looking forward to seeing her. Best understanding of the matter is, she'll be hanging here for week...or longer...then ferried away to Wyoming, her childhood home. First time she'll visit here without my dad.

 

 

 

 

That's entertainment!

Early entry. Guests coming over again this evening. Had a nice time last night, hoping for the same tonight.

Restless night's sleep with a lot of bad dreams. Out of bed later than usual, but up just the same. Coffee on the back patio. Finished the last (fingers crossed) of this year's planting--a small dogwood on the north side of the brick wall--then to the office to write. Got the working draft of "Man of Letters" in order and think it's not too bad. Surprised me coming to the end. Felt like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke when he reaches the last of the gravel road. Piece comes in around four thousand words. Expect the final ms. to run about the same.

Left for the gym around 3:00. Skipped rope and hit the heavy bag. Then home for a shower. Another hot day. Ready for fall. Anytime.

Still fighting off the blues. Maybe my thyroid's gone bust.

 

Objects of affection...

Big needy kitty on my lap. Head butts in spades. Writing this one handed. Not sure what the reason is, but I've been a target of love all afternoon. First yowling, then brush-bys, now this. Nice to be the object of so much affection. He knows. He always knows.

Up and out the door early. Dodged the farmer's market and went straight to the office. Got in some strong revisions on the new story, "Man of Letters." Middle feels a little messy, but it's got a strong start, and with luck maybe it'll turn into something.

Still can't quite get my head in the right place to put the last touches on the tuna fishing story. Or the coming of age story. Or the story about the birth parents. But they're close. All of them. Think it's the heat that's making me stupid, I don't know. Maybe I need to go fishing again. That, or clean the garage. Penance for a life wasted.

Looked after small things this afternoon and almost managed a nap in the process. Successes met, opportunities missed! (Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move....)

Dinner tonight with guests. Brats on the grill. German potato salad. Beer and wine and revelry!

Still worried about my buddy. Hope everything's gonna be okay. 

 

Friday, 10:38 pm...

Blur of a day. Gym, office, home. Out to dinner. Been going non-stop, but it feels like something's missing.

Worked on updating submissions. Lots of research, lots of time. After, put in an hour or so on the new story. 

Haven't been able to feel my way back yet. Wyoming's still there. 

Sat out on the back patio tonight, drinking wine and swatting mosquitos. Where are they coming from? Grass is burned to a crisp, but there's standing water?

Ninety-two year old dude was being crash carted out of Walter's Bistro as we were walking in. Possible stroke. Flank steak was so good, we didn't care.

I swear. I don't have an answer to anything. 

 

 

 

My purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset, and the baths of all the western stars until I die...

There and back again. 

Wyoming gave itself to me. Faithfully, as always. The mountain was cool and green and beautiful, and for four full days I had nothing but sunshine and blue skies. Quiet like you can't find anywhere else. 

Pronghorn were up high this year. Nine thousand feet. Kept running across the same pair when I went out hiking. We'd stop and stare at one another for minutes at a time. Saw no deer, no elk. No moose. Even so, had a perfect moment freeing a hummingbird that trapped itself in the cabin. Cupped it in both hands, took it to the door and away it went.

Spent an afternoon on Dylan's mountain, saying goodbye to my dad. Thinking. Spreading ashes for Patrick and Caley--a dress rehearsal, I suppose. 

Read and re-read the four assigned stories from N. while up there. Critiqued them all. Then sat down and finished DeLillo's Zero K. DeLillo reminds me of Huxley, sometimes. But deeper, and with a sharper edge. His glimpses into the future are beautiful and terrifying. But his writing is perfectly in the moment. Funny, but charged. Enjoyed the hell out of what he did, and strongly suspect that, come winter, I'll be reading it again.

A wind came up one afternoon while I was on my way to the stream, and it blew so intently you could hear the pines groan. I've heard them creak before, but never groan. Came across a nest of mountain bluebird chicks on the same walk. Some kind soul had built a house for them and nailed it to the fence. First I've ever seen that up there. Usually, the only thing hanging from fences is what's already dead.

Had poached brookie last night up there. Seemed both fitting and right. Hard to say goodbye this time. Real hard. Was a long drive home filled with thinking and dreaming and remembering. Like to leave and do it all over again, if I could. 

Learned my oldest of buddies had two emergency operations to arrest the damage of a blood clot to his liver. Removed part of his intestine. Last time he visited he had symptoms, and when he got home he was hospitalized. Operated on. Weird, but I was writing him into a story when I got the news. Talking about that very thing. His wife says he's okay, they'll release him soon. Fingers crossed it's true.

Fingers crossed it all works out.

Gonna go listen to the rain.

Long expected visitor flying in tonight. 

Leaving Colorful Colorado, Entering Big, Wonderful Wyoming...

Up late, packing. Everything's in the Jeep but my fly gear. Not taking anymore bets on the nature of man. Will finish in the morning and leave early. Relatively early, anyway. Got a long drive ahead, but a pretty one. Aim to enjoy it. Nothing like a long stretch of open road to think and unwind.

Going dark for a few days.

Back Wednesday, if all goes well.

So long, Colorado. 

 

The Emperor of Wyoming...

Woke up early, but lay in bed until 6:00. Daydreaming. Nice cooling morning, fresh with promise.

Gym, then home for coffee, and a surprise morning visit. Including a bit with a dog. Didn't get a lot of work in at the office, but enough. 11:00 orthodontist appointment shut me down through mid-afternoon. Home after that to look after little things.

Put in last set of revisions on a brochure, and read a few more pages of DeLillo's Zero K. The man's part philosopher, all writer. Every sentence a combination of futuristic cool and old world, ass-kicking, Jesuit-style meditation. Elegant. Simple. Compelling.

Looking forward to my trip up the mountain. Reading, writing, fishing. Dawn to dusk. A little more reading once the gas lamps go on. Hope to finish the DeLillo book, and Best American Short Stories 2015. Draft a new piece (or maybe two), wrap up a couple more.

Read a sad bit in the paper this morning. The Hayden Pass fire down in the Sangres may have wiped out an endangered species of greenback cuttthroat. Their closest known genetic twin was a specimen collected by the Smithsonian in 1889.

Hail storm tonight. But nothing damaged (knock wood). Maybe the moisture will pull the grass out of its funk. Everything's cooling down. Settling in. Good feelings of yesterday are still here.

What I meant was...

...things are looking up.

Pushed a lot of work out the door today, got a new draft rolling, hit the gym. By mid-afternoon the skies were blue and life was one big yellow daisy.

Be nice to string a few days like this back to back.

Gonna make a hard charge to get out of town on Saturday. See if I can't make it up to Wyoming, say farewell to my dad. Probably too ambitious to think I can get to the cabin the same day out, but might try. Depends on how long it takes to stock up on provisions, get my out-of-state fishing license, the rest.

No Starbucks on the mountain. Folger's instant. With any luck, a few nice brookies on the side. Maybe a native cutt or two.

Life's better with fish.